7 Keys of Confidence ~ Opening to possibilities


We live in a culture where clarity and certainty is favoured over ambiguity and vagueness. Sounds innocent enough right? But what if that need for certainty was a block to your confidence? What if instead it created rigidity and limitations that prevent the growth of the feelings you most want?

I discovered this for myself when I realised that, in thinking I was right, I was getting it very wrong when it came to feeling confident.

Earlier this year, I held a mini Facebook Live Training on the 7 Keys of Confidence. If you missed it, don’t worry because for the next few weeks, I’ll be including some of the highlights of that training right here on the blog.

In this article, I’ll share the second key to confidence but let me first begin by discussing the lock (block) to confidence and why it is so significant.

Have you ever been with someone who has made a mistake or misjudged a situation and yet refuses to give up their position or point of view? What do you notice going on for them?

You may observe them getting more and more riled, even becoming defensiveness, especially if they perceive what they hear is a threat to their worldview.

Have you ever wondered why we do that? Why is it so essential to hold onto a particular point of view, even in the face of evidence to the contrary? When we are rigid and blocking towards information, we have closed down to all other possibilities. We aren’t prepared to let anything in. We are firmly attached to a belief, “I know that…..is true“.

‘Knowing’ we are right is a defence mechanism.

Vice versa, someone might ask us a question and before we have even considered it, we kick back with. “I don’t know.” Maybe we don’t want to delve deeper into the subject because it is too hard, too painful or too threatening. Like ‘knowing’, flippantly saying “I don’t know” rather than exploring the answers is also a defence mechanism.

Both these defence mechanisms have one primary purpose, to protect our beliefs. But what if those beliefs were preventing you from accessing your confidence?

So if defensiveness is the lock, what is the key?

The second key to confidence is curiosity. Being curious is about opening to possibilities. We don’t have to give up on our beliefs, just suspend them long enough to discover something new. And that something new might be the very thing that leads us to more confidence and a greater sense of resourcefulness. But, trust me, you can’t experience that so long as you are being defensive. (that was a mistake that I made!)

When I find myself stuck or unable to move forward, I take a deep breath, reassure myself that it is OK to not know and then begin to explore other possibilities. Questions I ask myself include:

What else could be possible here?
What if these beliefs aren’t true?
What/how could I do things differently?

Defensiveness blocks the access to confidence. Rather than abusing ourselves for not knowing, get curious about what could happen instead. What are all the other possibilities you have yet to consider?

I wonder what it would be like to experience the rest of today with curiosity?


Watch the full series:

If you would like to know more about growing your confidence, you can now watch the full series, 7 Keys of Confidence over on my YouTube Channel.


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