Believe in yourself. Your life depends on it!

I am not a great fan of reality shows, especially the celebrity ones. Mainly because I spend the first half of the programme googling each of the celeb’s to work out who they are and what talent they have succeeded in to become famous….with some it seems not much, but I digress.

A few weeks back I stumbled across Celebrity SAS. I’ve never seen the non celeb version and still had to google who people were, but I quickly became intrigued. So much so that I watched all 5 episodes.

People assume a great deal about those in the public eye. I learnt this very early on whilst working in TV and theatre. I, like many others, had made assumptions about the well known people I was going to be working with. When I met them, things/they were often very different.

We assume because we read/see things about this person that we know them.

‘Oh he’s lovely.’

“she’s so nice’

“I don’t like him because…”

“she’s just a ….”

It’s easy to forget that this is another human that we are judging. One that we really know very little about. In fact most of what we do know about them comes from someone else’s experience of them. Not our own. We only know them through the lens of acting, sport, music or some other arena. We also assume that because they are in the public eye and have found success in their field, they must be self assured, have self belief and be full of confidence. Having spent ten years working in TV and theatre I knew the reality of this and Episode 3 of Celebrity SAS was titled “Confidence” So I grabbed my notebook.

In the interviews prior to taking part in the programme, the celeb’s had been very honest and open. Talking about their careers, personal life and some, their mental health challenges. Many (both male and female) shed tears about the challenges they faced and just how hard they can be on themselves.

Olympic gold medalist Victoria Pembleton stated that she should have got three golds in the olympics. Three. Not the two plus a silver that she did achieve. She said that whatever she achieves she never thinks that it is enough and is always giving herself a hard time.

Take a moment and think about all the work that goes in for someone to qualify for the olympics. Then think about the training of both mind and body that goes into competing, let alone making it the podium….on any level. “I never think I am good enough….I should have got three golds.”

Sadly this is not an isolated case, nor is this a gender issue. Well, not based on the clients I have worked with over the past 13 years. Many high achievers often give themselves a hard time. They  worry that not giving themselves a hard time, criticising and chastising, will stop them achieving. They think that it is the inner abuse that has got them to where they are and forget the skills they have. It’s just not true and there is another way of being. Victoria’s lack of confidence was quickly picked up on by the professional ex-soldiers. But just telling someone that they have to have more confidence does not mean it will happen. Ask anyone who has been give that feedback in an appraisal for example.

Sam Thompson (yeah he’s one that I had to look up!) One of the Made in Chelsea gang also admitted confidence issues. The 26 year old reality TV star (ummmm….don’t get me started) stated that “people look at me and think I’m confident, but ask any of my mates. I’m not. I’m anxious and over think everything.” And again, I don’t think that this is uncommon. Many do not realise that over thinking can create the anxiety and then produce a lack of self confidence. It is crippling and impacts all aspects of your life; relationships, health, career, wealth.

The other person that stood out for me was Wayne Bridge, again, had to look him up as I am not a football fan. He openly talked in his interview about the “loss of identity” he faced when injury halted his professional football career. “I keep all my emotions in and have low confidence.” Wayne, for me was one of the most interesting journey’s to watch during the programme.

And you can see part of it here.

This clip contains strong language and scenes some might find upsetting.

Even until the last he was doubting himself and his abilities. (I won’t give away the ending in case you are intrigued to watch the programme in full.)

Watch his eyes. There was still doubt lingering. Whilst there is focus and determination, he hadn’t connected that to himself.  It’s why believing in yourself is so important. It’s great to have the feedback, adulation, support, praise, recognition, appreciation etc from others, you’ll know from looking around the website here and if you follow me on social media (links are on this page for you to do that) I am all for collecting and sharing that praise. But unless you believe it, it means nothing. And if you only look for it outside of yourself you will become addicted to it. It’s also why many celebrities become uncomfortable when they are not in the spotlight and receiving that external praise.

True confidence is an inside job!

That’s why it’s important to look at what your beliefs are about you. Because what you believe about you will determine how you feel about you and who you show up in the world. It needs to be looked at, challenged and addressed.

So, Wayne, if you are reading this, please believe in you. Not because I said so, but because it will make your life easier. And I bet you find your mojo and will achieve so much more. And what a great example you will be for your children. And other men who have had an unexpected and unwanted change in career.

If you are not Wayne and you are reading this….well the message is the same. Check whether what you believe about you in helpful. Supportive. And really true.

It was saddening to watch Celebrity SAS and hear just how hard these people were being on themselves. Not because they were celebrities, but because I do not believe that humans need think that way about themselves. And that because it is not an isolated way of being. With a commitment to change, there is a different way through, and no matter whether you are a celebrity or not it is possible for you. How do I know, because I have applied (and continue to apply) this to myself and the hundreds of people I work with every year.

So, if this resonates with you and you know that what you think about you is unkind, destructive, unsupportive or darn right abusive, and you want to think differently, but don’t know how. Then head to the contact page and get in touch with me. Emails come direct to me and are in confidence. Or you can email me direct or of course you can phone me on 07970 444694.

Believe in yourself because your life depends on it!