Confidence Killers ~ #2 Perfection (video)

Here’s the next video in the Confidence Killers series. Today I am talking about the need we have to get it right, to be right or to be perceived as right. Yep, you’ve guessed it. Today’s confidence killer is perfection. What makes it amusing is that I right before I shot this video, I had a direct experience of the impact of perfection. I talk all about it in the video.

Perfection is not the same as having high standards. Perfection is about you or it never being good enough and leads to procrastination, fear of failure and even the fear of success.

Are you ready to cut yourself a break?

Here’s the video:

Prefer to read instead? Here’s the full transcript:

The irony isn’t lost on me – the fact that I wanted to talk about a confidence killer today… one of the key confidence killers and yet it’s impacting me as I’m looking to do this video.

A key confidence killer that we all need to be aware of is perfection: the need to get things right, be right, be perceived as right. Even as I am doing this, I am lifting the camera up thinking,  “I need to get the angle right”. I’m working from home today and I thought I’ll do some of these videos from home, it’s fine and yet I’ve been wandering around going “I don’t want that in the background and that’s not got the right lighting“. I even stood in the bathroom thinking “the bathroom might be a better view, that might have a nice lighting to it“. I’m now stood in my hallway and as I was wandering around the house, I kept thinking this is hilarious.

One of the confidence killers that I know and see impacts on other people was suddenly creeping in and impacting on me, which was the need to be perfect, the need to get it right or be right or be perceived as right and it’s just ironic really because at the end of the day there is no such thing as perfection. We make up these rules of what we think perfection is, whether it’s looking a certain way, whether it’s having the house in a certain way, whether that’s the work being done in a certain way, videos looking a certain way, and yet by doing that, when I do that for myself, I’m putting so many hurdles in place, that it’s going to stop me potentially from doing the thing that I want to do and that’s where procrastination can come in, where the fear of failure or even the fear of success can come in and ultimately, it’s a confidence killer.

Perfection isn’t something that’s resourceful or helpful… now don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean you drop you standards and just go “well just accept whatever”. You can still look for having high standards and looking to hold yourself to those high standards and in fact, I would encourage that. But it’s about recognizing where you’re making those standards achievable or unachievable.

And I just wonder what your life would be like if you made your standards achievable and removed perfection?

Because I know for me that when I look to get videos, perfect, for example, I can spend hours making sure that my hair is right, that I’ve got the right outfit on, that I’ve done my make up, that the jewellery works, then I’ll spend time doing the lighting making sure that’s all set up. At the end of the day I haven’t got my tripod, I don’t have a selfie stick with me, and yet I wanted to make this video. So it may not be perfect but I’m trusting that you understand the message that I’m wanting to put across and do you know what, that’s way more important than trying to make sure that everything else is perfect because perfection and the striving for perfection is a real confidence killer.

So make sure that you like on the YouTube page and subscribe to the channel. Make sure that you share this video with people that you know it could really make a difference – because we all have somebody in our life that is a perfection seeker and we can see from the outside how much that impacts them and the challenges that it can create for them. So make sure you share this and of course, if you’ve got any comments or questions that you want to ask, then make sure you put them at the bottom here, and also, if you’re not joined on the community on Facebook Live, Jules Wyman ~ The Confidence Garden, then come on over and join us there, I do a lot of Facebook Lives over there and I have a regular confidence question time so do come and join me over there. And just remember that perfection is a confidence killer.

Jules-GIF-smallRemember you can join me for Confidence Q&A’s on the Facebook page live
on Monday 20th June, 7pm BST (6pm UTC)
Come and be part of the community.