Get Results! Get Confidence!!


Get Results! Get Confidence!!
That’s the message that is often shared about confidence;

Just go for it
Push yourself
Force yourself out of your comfort zone

And it’s partially true…
But it is not the whole story.

Perhaps pushing yourself and going for it will help you to realise that you can…

Do the job
Get the promotion/raise/interview
Give the presentation
Speak out a meeting
Go on that date

It is a chance for you to see and collect evidence of your potential.
And you can get results this way.
Absolutely no doubt.
I know this for myself and shared it both on the blog here and as a insight story in my first book If We Can, You Can.

If this is your way, and it works for you.
Go for it.

[bctt tweet=”What if pushing yourself doesn’t always increase self-confidence?” username=”juleswymanuk”]

But I noticed that this strategy has limits. Even when I was pushing myself and going for it, I was still self-doubting and I often laid awake at night questioning myself.
I noticed that I was having to drive myself harder and harder to do things and yet, my self-confidence wasn’t really growing.

I thought that just by getting results I would feel better about myself. I didn’t.
And I know from more than a decade’s worth of coaching others, that this is an all-to-common occurrence.

In today’s blog, I want to share those limitations and offer a solution for authentic and long-lasting self-confidence.



Faking it

In the personal development world there is a mantra – ’fake it till you make it’. It’s used to reinforce the go-for-it way of living and encourages you pretend that you can do the thing you want to do… AND act as if you know what you are doing/saying!
They often talk about finding someone that you can model (copy) and act like them when you are doing the thing that you want/need to do.

The benefit of this is that you can create a character who does those things and you can act as if you are them.

I used this a great deal when I first set up my coaching practice when the worlds of coaching, speaking and business were all very new to me. So I acted as if I was a business woman or a seasoned speaker. Whenever I went into a meeting or presented, I had a couple of people in mind and acted as if I was them. It got me through the meetings and presentations but afterwards…well… that was a different story. Even though I was faking it, I never felt like I was even close to making it.

The drawback with the fake it till you make it method is in the character we create. Our brains know that we are not being ourselves when we are pretending to be another character and this causes a challenge when we get feedback.
We assign any positive feedback to the character… after all they did the hard work and not us. So we don’t gift any of the praise to ourselves.
And when we get negative feedback, we don’t need to take responsibility or learn from it because we were only faking it!

That’s why I think this method is flawed.

[bctt tweet=”Fake it ’till you make it will always be flawed. You can’t lie to yourself.” username=”juleswymanuk”]


Pushing yourself

This is when a situation presents itself, and even though you are nervous or unsure about it, you push yourself to say yes and do it anyway.

There are benefits to this as I shared in my Peru story.

Circumstances like these can offer an adrenaline rush, which can help us to face seemingly dangerous situations (unless the threat is real, it’s only perceived as dangerous because it’s one that we have not experienced or not enjoyed before.) This adrenaline rush can show us what we are capable of and help us successfully navigate a challenge.

The drawback of this approach is that adrenaline rushes create addiction. We end up constantly craving bigger-better-more experiences and not pausing to take stock. To give ourselves the recognition of what we have created, achieved or accomplished, we have to continually push ourselves harder-faster-further to get our fix. This often leads to breakdowns and burn out. And doesn’t help us to feel comfortable or confident within ourselves for the long-term.

[bctt tweet=”If you are always wanting bigger-better-more, when do you pause to take stock?” username=”juleswymanuk”]


Going for it

As with pushing yourself, this is when you see an opportunity, and even though uncertain or unsure, you go for what you want.

The benefit is that you can see the fruits of your labour. There are likely to be tangible outcomes and results that you can track to record your success.

The drawback is that many people go for it with an expectation of achieving the outcome that they want.

If they go for it and don’t get that outcome… well…all internal hell can break loose:

Self criticism of what they did wrong;
Chimes of “who do you think you are to try”;
Echoes of past beliefs of not being good enough, acceptable, likeable or capable etc.

The problem is that, all too often, we marry up the achievement of the outcome with our confidence. We expect the results to boost our confidence… AND for that boost to last forever.

If you are basing your self-confidence on unpredictable outcomes, you are bound to have wobbles. That self-confidence simply isn’t stable.

[bctt tweet=”Lasting confidence is not the same as quick-fix boosts” username=”juleswymanuk”]



So if faking it, pushing yourself and going for it don’t guarantee your self-confidence, what does?

We need to learn to do BOTH.

Go for the results, outcomes, dreams, ambitions, goals that you want
develop authentic confidence

That way, if you don’t get the result immediately or it takes longer than you thought, or you get lost or diverted, or even the outcome is not what you expected, you still have your self-confidence intact.

The real key is being able to go for it and not be attached to the results.
To be able to still believe in yourself even when things didn’t turn out the way you wanted.
That really is getting results and getting confidence!

[bctt tweet=”Believe in yourself… not just when things are going to plan but even more so when they are not.” username=”juleswymanuk”]


Working with Jules
Are you ready to develop authentic self-confidence? Have you tried faking it, pushing yourself and going for it but not yet found the lasting self-belief you want? If so, why not consider my 1-1 coaching? Visit the website or get in touch to discover more about working together.