Women with a message – my interview with Kat Byles, PR with Heart (video)

In this interview with Kat Byles from PR with Heart, we discuss why sharing the truth about confidence is so important to me.

I dispel some of the confidence myths and the damage they can cause, explain what true confidence is, the impact that has on our lives, and what to do if you have a ‘wobble’.

Some of the highlights of our interview include:

  • Understanding that authentic confidence is possible for us all (and I want to shatter the illusions that prevent everyone from knowing that!)
  • The concept of fake it ’til you make it does more harm than good. When you spend time practicing being someone that you are not, it simply feeds the imposter syndrome. Any positive feedback you receive is associated with the character you have created rather than the real you. Whereas negative feedback tends to be taken on as evidence that we are faking it. Its a no-win situation.
  • Confidence doesn’t come from anywhere else than within. How confident you feel is a direct reflection of how you talk to yourself about yourself.
  • Although learning to have self-confidence isn’t easy, it always starts when we take personal responsibility for how we feel.
  • You don’t have to have full competency in an area of life to have confidence!
  • Confidence is like the sun – it is always there but (like the sun) it is sometimes hidden from view. Our job is to recognise the clouds and discover how to move through them.
  • On grey, dark days, we have to remember that clouds come and go — this too will pass!
  • Remember that confidence means with trust — or otherwise put, the trust within yourself. You don’t have to be perfect or get it right, only trust.
  • Sometimes the journey may be uncomfortable. Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
  • Relax into the flow of life — self trust is about relaxing and learning to go with our trust. When you do, you can make a choice that might be so opposite to the way the world says we ought to be.
  • When you take off the coats of protection, it might feel as though you are running around naked. Know that it’s ok to feel that way.
  • When we let something define us we limit it ourselves. The origin of the word define comes from the Latin, dēfīnīredē meaning completely and fīnīre, to limit. When we define ourselves, we are completely limiting ourselves. In other words, we put ourselves in a box of the past.
  • What can we do when we experience a wobble?
    • Remind ourselves that this too will pass (no feeling is forever)
    • Ask ‘is this true?‘ – seek out the real facts and know that everything else is a story we are making up.
    • Ask ‘what else can I do‘ – and if the answer is nothing then relax and let go.
  • We have been conditioned to live with stress and worry. Simply notice when we are experiencing it and look for a different way of being with it (Look at the facts and relax!)